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Following an intense five days of homeschooling, a woman was intending to have a Saturday morning lie in and cup of tea when, without warning, her children entered the bedroom at 7am, full of zest and questions about astronauts.Completely thrown by this seemingly hostage situation, the woman had no choice but to NOT even consider what happens when astronauts fart in their space suits. “I don’t give a sodding fek about astronauts!” said the woman, trying not to say fuck. “Not on a Saturday morning!” she told reporters. Shocked by her own outburst and in an attempt to avoid further inane questions, the woman retreated under the doona. The children didn’t seem to pick up on her hostile mood and therefore continued to show a general child-like enthusiasm for life, which seemed to further provoke the woman. “I’ve spent five days homeschooling them” said the woman “and now it’s the weekend and they expect me to play with them.” The woman told reporters she thought she had negotiated terms on Friday night. “I tucked them into bed and said, “See you on Monday.” The children’s actions suggested they hadn’t fully accepted the terms and hence the woman found herself hostage in her own bedroom without a cup of tea. The woman’s partner, who hadn’t participated in any of the week’s homeschooling, meal preparation, bedtime routines or frontline duties, showed an annoying level of patience and enthusiasm and even seemed energised by conversations about astronaut farts.Reporters asked the woman what advice she would give other parents. “This has to stop! My worst fears were realised on that fateful morning. If we are to avoid being terrorised like this, parents must unite, and we must have our cup of tea and lie in on a Friday night.”

(by Jo Broom)

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